Twittercaked
by Rensong
Summary: SGA and Twitter.  Nuff said.
1. Twittercaked

_Authors Note: I have used Twitter a grand total of three times, and the only reason I even have an account was to contact a friend of mine who was away from her computer for a week and I didn't have her phone number... but I had her Twitter name. ;) Because of my lack of familiarity with the program, though, I apologize if there are Twitter limits and/or rules I've stretched or broken._

_Lastly, FF dot net keeps eating all of my AT symbols, and I'm too lazy to go through and change to something that agrees with it better. Trust me when I say they are there, though, and you can verify that if you hit my writing journal (which is in my profile) and read the LJ archived copy of _Twittercaked_._

_XxXxXxX_

**1 -Twittercaked**

WaySmarterThanU  
17:42 Saved galaxy AGAIN! I better get cake this time.

FlyBoy  
17:48 WaySmarterThanU WE saved galxy, thankUvrymuch.

CanKillUWithSpoon  
17:51 Not enough explosions. :( But I have cake. :)

WaySmarterThanU  
17:52 CanKillUWithSpoon How come you get cake? SHARE!

FlyBoy  
17:55 WaySmarterThanU Lemon cake. W/ chocolate frost. Mmmmm... :evil:

WaySmarterThanU  
17:55 OMG, I HATE YOU ALL


	2. SpaceBunnies

**2 - SpaceBunnies**

WaySmarterThanU  
16:11 Spent the day being chased by ferocious aliens

FlyBoy  
16:13 WaySmarterThanU ... or bunnies

WaySmarterThanU  
16:14 FlyBoy Bunnies do not have fangs!

FlyBoy  
16:15 WaySmarterThanU Bunnies

WaySmarterThanU  
16:18 FlyBoy They had claws and were the size of a small calf!

FlyBoy  
16:20 WaySmarterThanU Wrascally Wrabits

WaySmarterThanU  
16:20 THEY ATE JOHNSON'S BOOT!

FlyBoy  
16:21 They. Were. BUNNIES.

WaySmarterThanU  
16:22 FlyBoy One of them got away with your extra bottle of hair gel.

FlyBoy  
16:33 Spent the day being chased by ferocious aliens!


	3. GirlInEveryPort

_Authors Note – I have every belief that John is childish and/or lazy enough to use txt spk on Twitter. However, I *cannot stand* writing it myself, and I'm not all that thrilled when I have to read it, either - the little bit you see in the first 'chapter' is there only because my original plan was to write that one short back-and-forth and leave it be. Thanks to all the encouragement I've received, though (and thanks so much reviewers!), and my own gleefully sadistic muses, that plan has obviously failed._

_So, from now on Sheppard's Twitters are going to be (mostly) grammatically correct and properly spelled. Use your own imaginations to add whatever txt spk you deem reasonable for his updates. ;)_

XxXxX

3 - GirlInEveryPort

FlyBoy  
17:45 Is good at turning things on. Is that an Ancient device in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

WaySmarterThanU  
17:49 Flyboy Oh my god, are you really that shallow?

FlyBoy  
17:50 WaySmarterThanU I wouldn't call myself *shallow*, per se

WaySmarterThanU  
17:50 FlyBoy Though, wait, I suppose there was Chaya.

NaughtyScot  
17:52 WaySmarterThanU And the chieftain's daughter on Dla'an

WaySmarterThanU  
17:53 NaughtyScot The planet with the purple trees?

NaughtyScot  
17:55 WaySmarterThanU That's the one.

WaySmarterThanU  
17:57 NaughtyScot Teer

NaughtyScot  
18:01 WaySmarterThanU Mara, the Lord Protector's daughter

WaySmarterThanU  
18:03 NaughtyScot Who lived on a BURIED ANCIENT CITY that went and COLLAPSED before we could get anything USEFUL from it!

NaughtyScot  
18:05 WaySmarterThanU Impudent that Nature would dare keep you from scientific discovery, Rodney :sarcasm:

FlyBoy  
18:05 WaySmarterThanU That one wasn't my fault! She forced herself on me!

WaySmarterThanU  
18:07 NaughtyScot Bite me, you sheep shagging bastard!  
18:08 FlyBoy Still counts. Then you and Weir we all over each other not long after that.

FlyBoy  
18:10 WaySmarterThanU WE WERE POSSESSED BY ALIENS!

WaySmarterThanU  
18:11 FlyBoy Excuses, excuses

NaughtyScot  
18:12 WaySmarterThanU Don't forget that bar lass on M33-189

WaySmarterThanU  
18:15 NaughtyScot Oh, right! I knew I was forgetting someone. Larrin was next

NaughtyScot  
18:16 WaySmarterThanU ? Must've missed that one

WaySmarterThanU  
18:10 NaughtyScot You were dead at the time. Or being held hostage by the Replicators, whatever. Nice girl, had her own ship, just wanted John for his ATA gene

NaughtyScot  
18:11 WaySmarterThanU Weren't there a few more bar wenches as well?

WaySmarterThanU  
18:15 NaughtyScot Way more than just a few. Pretty sure there have been at least three sisters in there somewhere, too.

FlyBoy  
18:17 WaySmarterThanU ENOUGH! I GET IT ALREADY!

FlyBoy  
18:20 Survey suggest that yes, I really am that shallow

xXxXx

_One more brief A.N. - Carson's Twitter name is inspired by _Naughty Scot Scotch Ale_ from the Rock Bottom Brewery in Milwaukee, WI - the one and only beer I have ever liked. It also seems to me like the kind of brew he would appreciate - traditionally made, dark, and full-bodied (am I allowed to use 'full-bodied' for beer, or is that a wine thing?)_


	4. SuperGenius

_A/N - Here is the REAL chapter 4. Sorry, I never noticed the upload didn't actually upload last time around. Ah, technology._

**SuperGenius**

WaySmarterThanU  
13:15 I, let it be said, am a genius. This we already knew, obviously, but it bears repeating as much as humanly possible, because I have discovered an Anci

WaySmarterThanU  
13:16 MY GENIUS SHOULD NOT BE CONTAINED BY 150 CHARACTERS!

xxxxx

FlyBoy  
18:42 It's Introduce the Aliens to Earth night! Indiana Jones marathon in the rec room on the south peer, t-minus 18 minutes!

GR8nPowerfulOz  
18:45 FlyBoy Oh, please, you do realize that actual archaeology is nothing like that

FlyBoy  
18:47 GR8nPowerfulOz Guests don't get a vote. And 'GR8nPowerfulOz'? Seriously?

GR8nPowerfulOz  
18:50 Flyboy Yeah... Long story. Also, Jack set up all our accounts. Teal'c was not at all amused to get 'Dorothy'

WaySmarterThanU  
18:51 Flyboy Oh, god, those are so unrealistic! Surviving by closing your eyes – as if the kind of radiation that melts your skin of could be blocked by your

WaySmarterThanU  
18:51 ARRGH!

FlyBoy  
18:53 WaySmarterThanU Apparently your genius can be restrained by the 150 word count, Rodney

WaySmarterThanU  
18:55 FlyBoy Remember, I know how to access the temperature settings on your shower, Sheppard.

FlyBoy  
18:57 Right then… Let's get the movie set up!

CanKillUWithSpoon  
18:59 FlyBoy Are there explosions?

FlyBoy  
19:00 CanKillUWithSpoon Yes

GR8nPowerfulOz  
19:00 CanKillUWithSpoon Yes

WaySmarterThanU  
19:00 CanKillUWithSpoon And gun fights and bar brawls and an excess of drinking. I'm sure you'll love it


	5. SignalInterrupted

_A/N - This one is utterly ridiculous and would never happen, and I used authors prerogative to take some huge liberties with Todd. I don't care, because it was way fun to write even if I'm not 100% pleased with the final result. I'm sharing it anyway._

xXxXx

**SignalInterrupted**

Meanwhile, as soon as Todd and his merry band of Wraith Rebels get within range…

::communicator beeps::

_You have 8456 new messages_

xxxxxx

PrettyInPaint  
11:46 WTF is Twitter and why do I have 8500 messages from it?

WaySmarterThanU  
11:48 FlyBoy You were supposed to reprogram Lorne's old phone and disconnect it from our network *before* you handed it over to our enemies, moron!

FlyBoy  
11:51 WaySmarterThanU How was I supposed to know he'd pick up texting so fast!

WaySmarterThanU  
11:54 FlyBoy YOU JUST HANDED THE KEY TO OUR COMMUNICATION NETWORK OVER TO THE WRAITH

FlyBoy  
11:55 WaySmarterThanU Only the ones on our side

WaySmarterThanU  
11:58 FlyBoy SUPPOSEDLY on our side; as in, PROBABLY STILL WORKING FOR THE WRAITH. It's like you WANT him to hack into our system

FlyBoy  
12:00 WaySmarterThanU Way to give him ideas, McKay. Besides, none of us are stupid enough to leave important files lying around on a public network

WaySmarterThanU  
12:01 FlyBoy Apparently you ARE stupid enough because you just HANDED THE KEY TO OUR COMMUNICATION NETWORK OVER TO THE WRAITH

FlyBoy  
12:04WaySmarterThanU Oh, please. The most damning evidence he'll see is Miko's fan fiction, Zelenka's pigeon porn, and the Marine's D&D log.

CzechLaVie  
12:04 FlyBoy It is research!

WaySmarterThanU  
12:05 FlyBoy IT'S THE CONCEPT OF THINGS  
12:06 CzechLaVie Yeah, right, you pervy pigeon fancier. Just like you own all of the Bring It On movies so you can research the dance moves

FlyBoy  
12:08 CzechLaVie Psst… you, me, movie marathon next weekend!

PrettyInPaint  
12:12 You are a very strange species

xxxxx

PrettyInPaint  
12:31 PrettyInPant Hey, bug brains! Get your own Twitter name!

NaughtyScot  
12:32 PrettyInPaint We all must learn to share, children

PrettyInPaint  
12:33 NaughtyScot But I had it first!

WaySmarterThanU  
12:34 OH MY GOD, I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!

xxxxx

HotToddy  
13:13 This method if communication and file sharing on this "internet" is incredible. How can we get our net to work like this?

WaySmarterThanU  
13:15 Oh, god, he's been exposed to Earth pop culture for an hour and the first thing he picks up are puns

NaughtyScot  
13:17 WaySmarterThanU Can't fault the lad for being equipped with a wraith of wit

FlyBoy  
13:21 WaySmarterThanU It's a Writhicism

WaySmarterThanU  
13:25 I am in hell. A shiny, floating hell. No scientific advancement is worth this

HotToddy  
13:29 WaySmarterThanU That's what she said!

WaySmarterThanU  
13:33 ::headdesks self into coma::

FlyBoy  
13:34 HotToddy and NaughtyScot ::high fives::

xXxXx

_A/N 2 - Yeah, so about the authors prerogative; I doubt Todd would know what 'WTF' means well enough to use it, but I just wasn't willing to sacrifice it and pass up that first line. Also, I know the puns are horrible. That is kind of the point._


End file.
